Convincing People Climate Change is Not Real: A How-To Guide
Centreville, VA
2022, Junior, Creative Writing
Climate change is one big hoax. However, the vast majority of our society is still hopelessly grasping on to the idea that our environment is in jeopardy. The absurdity! As we develop as a society, it is important for people to acknowledge the deceptive—whoops! I meant the perceptive—idea that climate change does not exist. The following are a few surefire tactics for you to use in your next friendly debate.
1. Research specifically to your beliefs.
Although 97% of scientists have continually proven the existence of climate change through various sources of evidence, their flashy data charts and graphs couldn’t possibly dwindle an intellectual such as yourself. While doing research on the climate crisis, make sure never to use trusted and reputable sources like NASA, the National Centers for Environmental Information, or any published university report.
Additionally, while researching, it is critical to pay close attention to the top-level domain in a website’s URL. Resources with domains such as .org, .edu, or .gov should never be trusted, as they are likely government sites attempting to brainwash you. Instead, opt for websites like Facebook, Twitter, and Reddit. The facts provided to you by your favorite politician are oftentimes more accurate than those of certified experts.
2. Opinions on climate change are only valid when they are yours.
Climate change activists love to babble on and on about how the earth’s temperatures and sea levels are rising. They may start to explain how sea levels have risen 21-24 centimeters (or 8-9 inches; one could guess you likely don’t use the metric system) over the last 142 years, and that the rate of sea level rise per year has more than doubled. They might say things like, “This is because water expands when heated, so due to our increasing global temperature and melting glaciers, many cities and ecosystems are at risk.” When these points are made, it is important to bring up your last beach vacation, and how you haven’t seen sea levels change at all since last summer! Oh, they’re saying that sea level rise is a long-term effect, and that the global mean water level rises 0.14 inches per year? Pshhh, when you see it, you’ll believe it!
3. Do NOT be the “bigger person” when the conversation doesn’t go your way.
Don’t like how the other person sounds correct while engaging in a friendly debate on the climate crisis? In times like these, it is vital to talk over them loudly and in a condescending manner rather than listening with an open mind. You’re there to win and look intelligent, not to exchange insightful thoughts while putting new and interesting ideas into perspective. For example:
“Greenhouse gases? You’re trying to tell me that carbon dioxide emissions have increased by 90% since 1970, and that an excess of gases like these trap the sun’s heat, leading to many long-term environmental consequences like extreme weather and threatened wildlife3? What a load of garbage. What’s next—we’ll be abducted by aliens? You can’t fool me!”
4. When in doubt, deny, deny, deny.
Let’s say you’ve run out of Facebook arguments to use. They’ve all been contradicted by the other party, and you’re starting to feel like maybe climate change could possibly be a real thing. Don’t throw in the towel just yet! There’s one more card to play before succumbing to the evil fate of actually learning from the conversation: deny, deny, deny. No matter the claims they make, whether that there’s been an increase in droughts and heatwaves, or that wacky changes in precipitation have plagued our globe, it is important to refuse to believe each one. This is an extremely useful tactic, as it shows the other party that you are so well-informed about climate change that you can swiftly debunk all of their claims. Then, and finally then, will you be able to probably convince people climate change is not real.
Works Cited
- Lindsey, Rebecca. “Climate Change: Global Sea Level.” Climate Change: Global Sea Level | NOAA Climate.gov. NOAA, April 19, 2022. http://www.climate.gov/news-features/understanding-climate/climate-change-global-sea-level.
- “Global Greenhouse Gas Emissions Data.” EPA. Environmental Protection Agency. Accessed June 13, 2022. http://www.epa.gov/ghgemissions/global-greenhouse-gas-emissions-data.
- Nunez, Christina. “Greenhouse Gases, Facts and Information.” Environment. National Geographic, May 9, 2022. http://www.nationalgeographic.com/environment/article/greenhouse-gases.
- “The Effects of Climate Change.” NASA. NASA, August 26, 2021. https://climate.nasa.gov/effects/.
Reflection
Reflection
97% of scientists agree that climate change is a real problem, but many people, especially in the United States, believe otherwise. From my experience, this lack of understanding does not stem solely from misinformation, but more the unwillingness to listen to others. When I graduated elementary school, my school principal said something in his speech that has continued to resonate with me. He said, “We should listen with the intent to understand, rather than the intent to respond.” When talking about climate change, it is important to be able to listen and learn from others. I wanted to write this piece in order to bring light to some of the bad habits we might have when in conversation. While being satirical and light-hearted, I also wanted to reflect what I learned from prepping for this piece in my writing, such as how to properly research and what sources to use. Protecting our environment is important to me. I want to be able to reach others through my writing, whether it be through satire or solemnity, writing or film, or even just a plain old conversation.