The First (and Last) Arctic Colonization
Cary, NC
2022, Junior, Creative Writing
Day 1
My name is Benjamin Von Schweetz Pen Guin the Third. I come from a long lineage of royal blood. My father ruled over the Arctic, my father’s father ruled the Arctic, and I intend on ruling the Arctic as well.
However, the Arctic is no more.
The large featherless bipeds had spent years drilling for what I can only assume is penguin blood. Occasionally, their mining rigs would explode and spill these contents into the ocean. Combine that with all of the filth, it was almost inevitable for this to happen.
As is my duty as king of the Arctic, I intend on solving this crisis. My father spent years collecting “Pose Farts”; at the time, I was lost on their meaning. However, I finally see their purpose. Antarctica will be reborn in “Florida.”
I will conquer this land, freeze it, and welcome the refugees of Antarctica back home.
Day 3
After a day of fruitful engineering, I have finally assembled my noble chariot. I dub it… the Eesberv. This journey will be treacherous; no one knows the horrors royalty like I could face in the open sea. Still, I remain hopeful. All of those animals are relying on me to save them. I can’t fail them now.
(The Eesberv; not pictured: cupholder, throne, royal inflatable toy ball.)
Day 6
I encountered a rather odd creature today. I had fallen asleep on my royal throne when something began rocking my chariot. When I went to investigate, I found a chunk of ice had fallen off the Eesberv! No, it had not just fallen off. Someone had taken it! This would not go unnoticed. I quickly armed myself and began inspecting the water.
That’s when I saw it—a massive streak of yellow light in the water! It must have been some sort of large, ice-eating jellyfish. With a noble battle cry, I lunged into action, diving straight into the water and slashing at the foul beat. That ought to teach it a lesson.
Day 13
As I write this entry, my ears are still recovering. It was a day like any other. I was inspecting the royal toy ball when suddenly—
HONKKKKKKK
Another vessel began screaming at me! As I faced the ruffians who dared challenge me, they began smiling and laughing. They were obviously using these pleasant attitudes as some sort of defense mechanism. That, or a distraction! I had already been deafened, now I was being lured into a trap!
I entered full speed as the featherless began using their weapons. Flashes of light followed by oohing and aahing. Perhaps they were extracting my very soul! I never looked back; the vessel soon left the area, but I was already long gone.
Wait, is this the right way?
Day 19
Despite my triumph over the yellow beast, I feared its return. Through glimpses in my eye, I could see it following, waiting for the right moment to strike. Today, it got that moment.
It was a day like any other. I ate my daily fish, drank my daily water, and prepared for another exciting day of sailing. As I prepared to look into the horizon, I saw it. The yellow beast had grown massively in size and had become ball-shaped! It found my weakness!
The beast sent multiple yellow beasts towards me, nearly sinking the ship. I fought courageously the entire day, yet it continued its onslaught. I felt the beasts chip away at the Eesberv, whittling it down to half of its original size.
Luckily, I was saved.
Large white puffs covered the yellow beast, giving me time to recuperate. The puffs even dropped refreshment for the journey.
Day 27
This may be my final entry.
I have found land.
The Eesberv has melted, but I was already well upon land as it happened. With the royal toy ball in hand, I went to meet the locals. Some laughed as I walked in the streets; others ran away. Perhaps my royalty scared them.
I encountered a variety of featherless bipeds, but none seemed to resemble those on the fabled Pose Fart.
However, I thought nothing of it. I entered one of the local shops to purchase some local cuisine. The shopkeeper looked at me strangely as I inspected the aisles, but I thought nothing of it. Strangely enough, I found a portrait of myself for sale. It was captioned with the words: “Penguin rides on a sheet of ice: the true costs of global warming.”
Perhaps this was the name of the yellow beast, Global Warming. I would have to assemble a military to stop it, but I needed to dine first.
As I found the frozen foods section, I licked my lips in anticipation. I had always wanted to try these frozen foods; my father used to collect their shellings.
I walked up to the shopkeeper with my food in my beak when I noticed something strange. A collection of Pose Farts on a metal rack. I read the text on them and was shocked to my very core.
Greetings from South Korea!
I had definitely taken a wrong turn.
Reflection
When I write I usually just… write. I type whatever comes to mind. For some reason, I just couldn’t this time around. I had never had personal experiences with climate change, nor did I have extensive knowledge on the topic. This made writing something humorous about it hard. I would stare at a blank document for a few minutes before moving on to something else. However, once I started researching climate change, it all started to click. I learned a lot about climate change and a lot about myself. I also learned a lot about talking penguins.